The Flying Buttress, 12/20/04

The Flying Buttress

+For Greater Cincinnati Catholics, a dissenter's worst nightmare+

December 20, 2004 A.D.

+Welcome to the first edition of The Flying Buttress, a newswire for Catholics in the satirical mold of The Whistleblower. The Buttress expresses a debt of gratitude to beloved Whistleblower publisher Charles Foster Kane for his assistance with this low-brow imitation of his tireless efforts...even though he didn't like the Reuben sandwich we bought him for lunch.

+The Flying Buttress will expose, in a humorous way, any dissent or disobedience from the teachings of the Church from any source in Greater Cincinnati, and especially from the left-wing brain trust of the Cincinnati Archdiocese. We want to help restore the orthodoxy, reverence for tradition, and Catholic culture that will heal scandal, division and decline.

+How will we do this? The "we" is you, the faithful among us, and the eyes, ears and mouth of this publication (which is head, shoulders, knees and toes above the rest). Your contributions must be accurate and verifiable, and if not humorous, then at least completely mean-spirited.

+Anything you send in will be strictly confidential. Although we will never use your real name, we'll probably give you an alias if you can't think of one yourself.

+To kick things off, The Flying Buttress will sponsor a contest. Since Father Lou Guntzelman, in his weekly Community Press column, described defenders of orthodoxy as "Dobermans of Dogma," we invite our readers to submit clever names for dissenters. For example, the "Pekingese of Political Correctness."

+All entries will be forwarded to The (Occasionally) Catholic Telegraph, and the winner of the contest will receive a T-shirt with the imprimatur "I obeyed the teachings of the Church, and all I got was salvation for my lousy soul."

+Unlike the political prisoners at Federated Department Stores, public schools, and government buildings, Flying Buttress publisher Tomas de Torquemada and his staff of zealots are free to wish you all the many blessings of this sacred and joyous Christmas Season. Forward The Buttress to your family, friends, colleagues and neighbors for Christmas!

A Christmas Novena to the Infant Jesus

The Story of St. Nicholas

E-mail your exposes and subscription requests to: tomasthetorque@pngusa.net

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Disclaimer: This publication is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." To unsubscribe, simply reply with the words "No thanks - I prefer to keep my head in the sand until the ‘Spirit of Vatican II’ has completely destroyed the Church" somewhere in the body of the message.