The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Flying Buttress, 1/27/05

The Flying Buttress

+For Greater Cincinnati Catholics, a dissenter's worst nightmare+

January 27, 2005 A.D. The Trial of Mel Gibson

+Hearken back, if you will, to the winter of 2004. That was when the Left-Wing Brain Trust of the Cincinnati Archdiocese opened its propaganda barrage in anticipation of the imminent release of “The Passion of the Christ.”

+Laying down its thick smokescreen from the completely misnamed “Faith Formation” section of the (Occasionally) Catholic Telegraph and the hallowed halls of the Theology Departments/Dissenter Clubs of Xavier, UD, and Mt. St. Joe, our LWBT attempted to fill us with dread at the onslaught of Neanderthal Catholicism, and cautioned us, should we make the horrendous mistake of viewing this movie, that we must be aware of how grievously offensive to Jews and scripturally inaccurate it was.

+In other words, we experienced a liberal brain-washing campaign (known as “sensitivity training”) at the expense of Mel Gibson and his devout faith.

+Never has there been a more profound and startling contrast between the worldview of orthodox Catholicism and that of the sanctimonious skulkers who make up the group we like to call The Pekingese of Political Correctness. Of course, the Cincinnati PPC do not have the cohones to admit what really scared them about this movie, namely, that “The Passion” would magnify ten-fold the rising tide of interest in the pre-Vatican II Church. Instead, they found devious ways to discredit and slander it. But they failed miserably, a failure inevitable for all who toil in the school of darkness.

+Political correctness is in fact the de facto inquisition of modern dissenters, wherein the liberal Catholic Thought Police hunt down and vilify any person, publication, or doctrine they deem to be “offensive,” “polarizing,” “extremist,” or “pre-Vatican II.”

+For individual targets, this vilification process amounts to a smear campaign. For doctrinal targets, it is known as “nuancing the doctrine into extinction.” We call it simply “obfuscation” and “casuistry.”

+To begin our investigation into this new inquisition, The Flying Buttress offers an exclusive glimpse into the upcoming PMSNBC reality series, “Politically Correct Kangaroo Court,” with Judge Kennell Overbite, SJ, presiding. The opening docket is, of course, the Mel Gibson case. Let’s listen in as the proceedings begin…

BAILIFF TUTU: All rise – except for the disabled and those empowered to relate to authority in alternative ways!

JUDGE O: Thank you, Your Excellency. You may be seated, if that is your individual preference.

BAILIFF: Our first case is Mel Gibson vs. The People of God, an inclusive, tolerant and diverse community of faith, fully sensitive to modern multicultural realities and sexual orientations.

JUDGE O: Bring in the prisoner! (enter Mel Gibson, handcuffed by numerous violations of his First Amendment rights) Mr. Gibson, you have been accused of creating vivid and blatant anti-Semitic messages and images in your movie “The Passion of the Christ”! How do you plead?

MEL: It is as it was.

JUDGE O: The prosecution may call its first witness.

A. BUGNINI: The People of God call the defendant, Mel Gibson.

BAILIFF: Mr. Gibson, do you swear to mouth the currently acceptable enlightened and secularized consensus, the whole currently acceptable enlightened and secularized consensus, and nothing but the currently acceptable enlightened and secularized consensus?

MEL: I swear to tell the truth – and YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

JUDGE O: Mr. Gibson, may I remind you that in this courtroom, truth has been replaced by sensitivity to and compassion for the oppressed? What God thinks of us no longer matters – it’s what our fellow man thinks of us that really counts!

MEL: Do you really want to know what I think of you?

JUDGE O: Your opinions are always valued, Mr. Gibson, provided they are compatible with the progressive positions of elite Jesuit moral theologians such as myself. Counselor, you may proceed.

A. BUGNINI: Thank you, Your Honor. Mr. Gibson, this Court considers your movie to be a hate crime against Jews. It is messages such as yours, labeling the Jews as Christ-killers, which are responsible for the deaths of millions of Jews throughout history.

MEL: Sir, I consider political correctness to be a hate crime against the Church! My movie is a portrayal of the Gospels, with an added dimension from the meditations of the Venerable Anne Catherine Emmerich. Neither my movie nor the Gospels condemn Jews as a race or a people. The accurate portrayal of a small, corrupt group of rabbis in first-century Jerusalem is not a blanket condemnation of an entire race for the following 20 centuries. But let me guess: isn’t that how you would like to interpret it, so you can re-write the Gospels to be “inoffensive”?

BUGNINI: Mr. Gibson, the supersessionist Gospels will indeed be re-written for The New Church. We will promulgate neither dogma nor liturgy, but communal love for all. But that will have to wait for Vatican III.

MEL: What about God’s boundless love, expressed through the Holy Sacrifice of His Only Son? How will you promulgate that?

JUDGE O: The Court will ask the questions here, Mr. Gibson! Proceed, Counselor.

BUGNINI: Mr. Gibson, how do you account for the scriptural inaccuracies and distortions in your movie?

MEL: Sir, my movie depicts my devotion to Our Lord and His Church in the art form of a Passion Play, not in the form of a transcript of the Gospels. On the other hand, your clever criticisms depict your slavish conformity to Karl Marx and his litanies against Western Civilization.

BUGNINI: Your Honor, this witness is obviously completely intransigent and unrepentant. We the People of God recommend the maximum penalty.

JUDGE O: Mel Gibson, I sentence you to perform 500 hours of liturgical dance for Communal Memorial Meal and Poetry Reading (formerly known as Mass) at Bellarmine Chapel, and to commit to memory the Bible of the New Church, James Carroll’s “Constantine’s Sword.” You will reappear in this courtroom one year hence to worshipfully recite selected passages from that book, and to exhibit the appropriate humility in the presence of our august enlightenment. Do you have any last words?

MEL: GLORIA PATRI, et Filio, et Spiritui Sancto. Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum. Amen.

(Editor’s note: Having already been convicted and crucified in the pages of the [Occasionally] Catholic Telegraph, Mel’s trial was a mere formality)

USCCB Reviews "The Passion"

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Disclaimer: This publication is a work of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." To unsubscribe, simply reply with the words "No thanks - I prefer to keep my head in the sand until the ‘Spirit of Vatican II’ has completely destroyed the Church" somewhere in the body of the message.


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