The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Chicken Soup for the Feminist Soul

+We at the Flying Buttress have often wondered why Catholic feminists rarely turn their attention to the source of their bankrupt rhetoric: Satan. After all, isn’t he just as much a creation and role model of the oppressive patriarchy as the Trinity? And why is hell the exclusive domain of such a contemptible male chauvinist, anyway?

+Now comes word, however, that this curious oversight is about to be corrected. The Worship Office of the Cincinnati Archdiocese has announced that it will host a conference organized by Voice of the Faithful, FutureChurch, Call to Action, Benetvision, and Friends of Creation Spirituality, to be called “Fey Apostolate: Pathways to a Maternal Underworld.”

+Since an advance copy of the conference brochure has serendipitously fallen into our hands, we dutifully pass along to our readers these highlights of the conference workshops (ED. NOTE: Due to some last-minute changes required by the unforeseen side-effects of certain psychotropic substances, all presenters’ names have been omitted):

1. Praxis Makes Perfect: Liberation Theology and the Transformation of the Underworld.” An introduction to the basic principles of social, economic, sexual and environmental justice as practiced by the Society of Jesus. Apply these principles to the outmoded patriarchal hierarchy of hell, and construct with us a new matriarchal egalitarianism: the preferential option for the damned. Envision the end of judgment and the new reign of the Nature Goddess, that all realms may be one!

2. “The Just Hell Project: Social Action for Full Metal Jacket Catholicism.” Responding to the purifying fire, the People of God acquire special training in the principles, techniques and tools of nonviolent action to create a just, diverse and participatory hell. These training sessions are part of a special track on nonviolent demonic possession. How do we confront male-generated fear, despair and hatred? How do the stages of successful social movements apply to hell reform? How do we manage the theo-political challenge of living with multiple ways of being hell? (Prerequisite: Praxis Make Perfect)

3. “She-Devil: New Upsides to a Perennial Downer.” Draw new power from the wellsprings of the Eternal Feminine as you lay aside old patterns of male-engendered inferiority, fear and guilt, and learn to practice the ministry of mutuality with the living anima mundi. Explore new paradigms of reward without punishment as you are nurtured by the ancient liberating rituals and rhythms of Nature. Discover how to materialize the divine fullness of your Infernal Goddess Within!

4. “What Do You See When You Turn Out the Light?” (I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine) Re-evaluating darkness as a means to holistic healing. Just as humanity begins in the darkness of the mother’s womb, so must we view all darkness as a vital source of spiritual nurture. Learn to resonate with all the forbidden forces of Divinity, and channel them toward a new spiritual integration as you master the sacred, re-fashioned hell environment. Become a Ruler of Darkness through primordial knowledge!

5. “Tawk Amongst Yourselves.” Dialoguing our way to a more inclusive abyss through hell talk and the new demonology. Probes outmoded patriarchal hell talk as it transformed under the impact of today's Darwinian understanding of the origins and evolution of hell. Through the poetry and little-known sketches of Leonardo da Vinci, we play at re-naming Holy Hell, and discover the new urgency of acting on behalf of the Hell Goddess, whom Thomas Berry calls "a voice of the Divine which once silenced will never be heard again.”

6. “To Hell in a Handbasket.” Accessorize your personal hell with furnishings and decorative objects available at the Gift Shop throughout the conference. Then, enrich your personal hell experience through activation of the lower chakras and the awakening of the kundalini. Initiate your journey toward the Maternal Divinity that is locked deep within you. Expand your awareness of those inner promptings that lead straight to the blessed and eternal deep, as you create the capacity for powerful and visionary prophecy. Bless your new visions of hell with the damnation salutation, half moon, mountain and other yoga postures. Abandon the MAN-tra, and take up the WOMMYN-tra!

7. Dances with Werewolves.” We call upon Lilith to lead our Dances of Universal Knowledge as invocation through movement, in ways that honor a rich diversity of maternal underworld creatures: werewolves, satyrs, fauns, hell-hounds, dragons, serpents, bats, toads, and others. Moving beyond anthropocentrism, we use simple chants and reverent movement in a circle, opening us to peace, reconciliation and solidarity with all creatures of the underworld.

8. “Dante, Schmante: New Hope for the ‘Damned’.” Wrapping up our conference is a new and exciting guided meditation, the “Perdition Expedition,” where participants will envision a new era of peace and wellbeing for the entire feminized hell community. This shared vision of our ideal yet practical hell becomes our call to action when we experience the beauty of damnation, the inspiration of the Book of the Dead, and stories of solidarity and engagement. This interactive session gives voice to our own death narratives, our self-fulfilling prophecies, and the wisdom of Mother Earth.

Miscellanea CATHOLICA

+Can you recognize liturgical fidelity from liturgical flim-flam? Take the GIRM quiz.

+The World-Wide Day of the Rosary is coming!

+The Three Flames of Divine Love.


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