A Special Guided Meditation

+While the American bishops are having a gay old time in Baltimore this week, deciding how to cater – er, uh, minister to – homosexuals, back here on the Cincinnati home front, we’re still trying to do something about a man who has made a career out of catering – er, uh, ministering to them.

+Since Call to Action and their fellow travelers keep touting the empowering experience of guided meditation, we thought we’d try one of our own. The purpose of this exercise is for clergy and laity to envision a peaceful and expeditious early retirement for Archbishop Daniel E. Pilarczyk.

+Our meditation will place you directly into His Excellency’s office. We ask you to envision this scene: the Archbishop has just received, unexpectedly, his retirement notice from the Holy Father. You are in the role of the Archbishop, reading the letter, trying to understand.

Get ready to…

Quiet yourself Relax Feel yourself just letting go, of everything!

Breathe in -- Hold -- Breathe out;

Breathe in -- Hold -- Breathe out;

Let go Totally relax

Breathe in -- Hold -- Breathe out;

Breathe in -- Hold -- Breathe out;

Now imagine…

You are His Grace, seated at your desk. You have dedicated your career to aligning the Church with the modern age. You were the protégé of a powerful figure in the American Church. Your archdiocese has become an ecumenical crossroads for the best and the brightest nuancers of Church teaching. Picture this in your mind. See yourself reaping collegial approval. Imagine your prestige.

Suddenly, you feel a presence. It comes from a letter on your desk. It is a letter from Pope Benedict. You read it. You read it a second time. Your self-assured dignity is swiftly shaken. Your career has come to an end. You begin to feel a certain pervasive anxiety.

Be with this feeling…

Now, return seamlessly to your own identity, and sing John Lennon’s tune, “Imagine,” with these words:

Imagine no Pilarczyk:

It’s easy if you try. No more gay corruption, ”Spirit of Vatican II,” good-bye! Imagine all our clergy Teaching orthodoxy!

Imagine more Latin Masses: It isn't hard to do. No more liturgical dancing, To the Jesuits, “Adieu!” Imagine all seminarians Living chaste lives for Thee…you-^ou-ou-ou-ou,

You may say, “Right-wing vigilante!” But I'm not the only one. I hope some day you’ll leave us, And the Archdiocese will praise the Son!

Imagine faithful theologians. I wonder if you can. No more false liberation - The servitude of man. Imagine all theologians

Like Doctors of the Church…you-^ou-ou-ou-ou

You may say, “Right-wing vigilante!” But I'm not the only one. I hope some day you’ll leave us, And the Archdiocese will praise the Son!

Miscellanea CATHOLICA

+Never heard of Bobo Catholicism? You have now! (This is a 12-page PDF file from the College of St. Thomas More in Texas.)

+Two days ago we sent you Randy Engel’s take on the USCCB’s proposed and well-tainted guidelines on homosexuality; thanks to Catholic Citizens of Illinois, here are two more well-informed sources:

• Dr. Gerard J.M. van den Aardweg, Ph.D
• Dr. Richard P. Fitzgibbons of the Catholic Medical Association