The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Monday, November 12, 2007

Whatever Floats Your Float

+In our last issue, our readers were introduced to what we’re calling the RHCCIA (Roamin’ Homosexual Catholic Church in America), the new schismatic American federation led by five formerly Roman Catholic bishops: Mahony, Wuerl, Niederauer, Pilarczyk and Flynn.

+The Flying Buttress, following this developing story, has learned that the RHCCIA, seeking to give itself a more tangible and visible public image, has accepted an invitation to enter a float in San Francisco’s next Gay Pride Parade.

+Former Archbishop George Niederauer, now an “Extraordinary Presider” 1 – (that is, a high-ranking RHCCIA prelate), speaking for the RHCCIA leadership, recently released the following statement to the National Catholic Reporter - who, we understand, is negotiating to become the exclusive in-house organ of this federation:

“The clergy of the RHCCIA feel it is of the utmost importance to engage in a defining act in order to confirm the validity of our separation from the Roman Catholic Church. In so doing, and in order to affirm the very founding principles of our new Church, we hope to assert our solidarity with those in our society who, like us, have taken such great strides toward establishing their own identity: the gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender and questioning communities.

Therefore, the RHCCIA has commissioned a float which will appear in our City’s hallmark event, the Gay Pride Parade. We consider this float to be the centerpiece of our commitment to those who have suffered discrimination for so long at the hands of the Church and of Western Civilization.”

+While the blueprint for this float is apparently a tightly kept secret, our West Coast correspondent “Airplane” Jefferson has uncovered one feature of its design: a plan to pipe a song through several loudspeakers on the float. In fact, the assiduous “Airplane” was even able to obtain the lyrics to this song - which, he speculates, will be sung to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel’s “Scarborough Fair”:

Are you goin’ to the Gay Pride Parade - Roger, Dan, George, Harry and Don? We’ve had our fill of the Roman charade: Just give us the theme of Blessed Pope John.

Won’t you embrace our justice crusade - Roger, Dan, George, Harry and Don? It’s time to vest for this masquerade: Robes of black and flowing chiffon.

Sing to those faithful afraid to come out - Roger, Dan, George, Harry and Don! Our church subsists in your deepest doubt With dogma running hither and yon.

Are you climbin’ to the heights of Brokeback - Roger, Dan, George, Harry and Don? We’re now immune from Rome’s endless flak; Join us as we pass the baton!

1. “Extraordinary,” for short.

Miscellanea CATHOLICA

+Speaking of San Francisco...

+Father Tom Euteneuer responds like a true Catholic priest to the “self-outing” of Rev. Thomas Brennan, SJ in Philadelphia. Will Cardinal Rigali follow Fr. Tom’s example?


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