The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Does Peter's Barque Have a Bite?

+Our readers may recall that before releasing Summorum Pontifium, Pope Benedict XVI met privately with about 15 bishops to discuss their reactions to the document. However, as our Rome correspondent Alfredo Fettuccine reports, the Holy Father conducted a second meeting by conference call on the same subject, just a few hours later, with his “liberal” American bishops.

+Pope Benedict, hoping to score some collegial points with this historically hostile audience, apparently took pains to compose a rather progressive Responsorial Psalm, based on an old Broadway standard, with which to open this call. Unfortunately, his original responses were rudely interrupted and replaced by Bishop Donald W. Trautman, Chairman of the US Bishops’ Committee on Liturgy and the apparent spokesman for this group From what we understand, the resulting Psalm, somewhat reminiscent of the disjointed language of Sacrosanctum Concilium, has now been inserted into all the Gather hymnals in the Diocese of Erie, PA (with guitar tablature added).

+Here, sadly, is what became of the opening of that phone call. Note that the verses were sung by the Holy Father, while the untoward responses were sung by Bishop Trautman.

V: I dreamed last night we got off the boat to heaven;/ This “great façade” it just couldn’t be prolonged,/ And so I wrote/ Such a Universal Indult!/ So the bishops they would know right from wrong…/

R/: But the bishops all say sit down,/ Sit down, you're rockin' the boat!/ Don’t assume we’ll all come around;/ Your Summorum we won’t promote!/ That old Missal will drag us under -/ All those smells and bells will just never float./ Sit down, we frown, take off that gown,/ Sit down, you’re rockin’ the boat!/

V: The most wondrous thing on this side of heaven,/ Whose cause I plead, and whose treasures are my gist,/ Is why I beg to restore our one Tradition,/ ‘Tis a blessing, not a change to resist…/

R/: But the bishops all say beware -/ You’re on a divisive trip!/ You’re giving us quite a scare/ Our jurisdiction you will clip!/ Those Lefebvrites will drag us under/ We know their objections as if by rote:/ Sit down, we frown, take off that gown,/ Sit down you’re rockin’ the boat!/

V: I bowed my head, “Lord, have mercy on my bishops,”/ And a great big wave came and washed them overboard!/ But as they sank, they all hollered “Someone save us!”/ Did they finally awake, my Dear Lord?/

R/: But the bishops all say sit down,/ Sit down, you’re rockin’ the boat!/ There’s no way we could drown,/ Vatican II keeps us afloat!/ This nostalgia will drag us under;/ Your authority is just so remote -/ Sit down, we frown, take off that gown,/ Sit down you’re rockin’ the boat!/

Miscellanea CATHOLICA

+Bishop Trautman, in fact, has already violated in writing the terms of Summorum Pontificum, by requiring his priests to pass an examination in Latin and in the rubrics of the 1962 Missal before offering it. What part of “does not need the bishop’s permission” didn’t you understand, Your Excellency? And since Latin and the 1962 rubrics are shunned by Trautman as if they were anathema, who exactly will be administering those exams?

+How many priests (and bishops) do you suppose will react to Summorum Pontificum the way Father Peter Daly, of St. John Vianney parish in Prince Frederick, MD, has? Why is it that the post-Conciliar Church is so adept at producing arrogant, devious and mealy-mouthed ideologues, and so inept at producing humble saints?

+If you’re looking for others in your area to start a petition for a Traditional Latin Mass, here is a link:


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