The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

The Flying Buttress, 10/16/05

The Flying Buttress +Dissecting dissent in the Cincinnati Archdiocese+
Tomas de Torquemada’s dream

+("On September 14th, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act, taking an historic step toward giving law enforcement the tools they need to enforce and prosecute hate crimes against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. The measure was passed as an amendment to H.R. 3132, the ‘Children’s Safety Act.’")

+I dreamt I fell asleep at an Archdiocesan diversity training, co-sponsored by United Way, and woke up 40 years later in 2045. I had been transported to a hospital bed somewhere in Florida. I wondered why the judge hadn’t disconnected my life support…I rang for the nurse. She came in and looked at me in amazement. “You’ve been asleep for years!" she exclaimed. “Where am I?" I asked, quite groggy. “You’re in Petersburg, Florida." I paused briefly. “You mean SAINT Petersburg, don’t you?" “Shhh!" A frightened look darkened her face. “We’re not allowed to say that word in public – it’s disrespectful of the gay community."

+I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I asked her for a newspaper. She brought me one and sat down by the bed. I looked twice at the date: “TwelfthMonth 25, 2045." “TwelfthMonth? Hey, it’s Christmas Day – isn’t it?" “Mr. Torquemada – please! You mustn’t mention that word!" “Why not?" “All Christian holidays were removed from the calendar years ago, and their celebration is prohibited. The names of the months have also been changed to eliminate their association with the traditions of hate."

+I didn’t like the sound of that. I asked what was going on. The nurse replied, “Many years ago, the Christian religion was deemed hateful by a new agency of the executive branch of government, The Committee of Public Safety, because it taught that the practice of homosexuality was objectively disordered. Christianity was therefore considered harmful to the State, to be altered in accordance with the principles of the UN Charter. Churches were closed – except the Unitarians, the United Church of Christ, and the Gay Episcopal Church – the buildings were gutted, priests and ministers were removed from their jobs, tried and imprisoned, marriages were performed instead by civil authorities, all sacraments were abolished, Bibles were confiscated.

+Any person accused by two virtuous citizens of attempting to practice the religion of Christianity was imprisoned. All religious orders and monastic vows were suppressed. Closed Church properties were confiscated and given to Wiccan and other pagan cults or re-opened as “Temples of Tolerance and Diversity." Busts of Ted Kennedy, Chairman Mao, Karl Marx, and Barney Frank replaced statues of saints.

+In 2012, a law was passed requiring those who sought employment to have a diploma credential certifying completion of tolerance and diversity requirements, which could only be issued by a public school. This effectively destroyed what was left of Catholic schools.

+In 2014, Congress passed a new bill at the request of the Committee of Public Safety, “The Clergy Patriot Act," which enabled the government to take control of all religious activities. Clergy were to be chosen and paid by the government, and were required to take an oath of fidelity to the state. Those who refused to take the oath were either murdered or were prohibited from serving the Church. A new false church was licensed to employ those who took the oath, modeled on the Chinese Catholic Patriotic Association of the People’s Republic of China. This church taught that homosexuality was not only normal and acceptable, but actually preferable to heterosexual practices and traditions.

+In 2018, credit was denied to anyone suspected of participating in Christian worship or activities. Any vehicles owned by such suspects were rendered inoperable via satellite signal.

+In 2021, any form of worship of the Judeo-Christian God was deemed a hate crime by the Committee, and outlawed. A new hermaphroditic Supreme Being, The Inclusive Architect, took God’s place, endorsed and extolled by the State."

+"All this because of homosexuality?" I asked, incredulous at these horrors. “Don’t people know about the intimate link between homosexuality and the worship of Lucifer?" “Apparently they don’t – the country has been cleansed of every vestige of Christianity. Those who still worship according to the old faith do so underground, at the risk of imprisonment or death."

+"Tell me, Nurse 2461 (for that was what her nameplate said), don’t you have a name?" She smiled sadly. “Names are forbidden in places of employment. It is another way to discourage the use of Christian names. My real name is Beatrice."

“Tell me then, Beatrice – is my Rosary still among my personal effects?"

+"I’m afraid, Mr. Torquemada, that your Rosary was discarded long ago, as soon as it was found."

+"Of course. Nurse Beatrice, will you excuse me for a few minutes?"

+I closed my eyes and began to pray…and then awoke, drenched in cold sweat. (The prototype of the modern anti-Catholic homosexual state)

Ed. Note: Newly elected Congresswoman Jean Schmidt, (R) Ohio 2nd District and a Cincinnati Catholic, voted for the above amendment to H.R. 3132.


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