The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Friday, December 02, 2005

The Flying Buttress, 6/6/05

The Flying Buttress +Dissecting dissent in the Cincinnati Archdiocese+

The Dissenter’s Dictionary, Part II

A NOTE TO OUR READERS

+After next week’s issue (June 13), The Flying Buttress will publish infrequently during the summer months. Reviled publisher Tomas de Torquemada will take this time to sharpen his faith on the grindstone of life, recharge his AA batteries, fine-tune his writing skills, attend jousting tournaments, learn the ways of The Force, and seek more effective ways to spay and neuter dissenters. We hope to resume regular publication in the fall, perhaps with an occasional peek at a recently discovered Dead Sea Scroll, the Epistle of St. Amanuensis – or, as some call him, The Olde Scribe.

+Meanwhile, according to our sundial, it’s about time for another installment of the annotated Dissenter’s Dictionary (Lucifer Press, 1963). Since these entries are written in an arcane tongue known as dissent-speak - an offshoot of the dead language of Marxist Gibberish –each one requires translation and comment. As it just so happens, The Buttress’ staff is well-equipped to provide same:

Word or Phrase

Ostensibly meant…

Actually meant…

Could also have meant…

Sincere, faithful, and committed

A good and conscientious Catholic; one whose character can be vouched for.

A smokescreen used by dissenters to preface statements which trash Church teaching.

Three Cincinnati vaudevillians posing as Catholic theologians, who made it big on the local academic circuit.

Spirit of Vatican II

Reforming and updating the Church to bring it into the modern age.

Destroying the sacred and age-old traditions, liturgy, and disciplines of the Church in favor of a structure palatable and acceptable to men, esp. men of other religions.

Airplane used by Charles Lindbergh to fly from New York to Rome.

Age of the Laity

The laity will fulfill their mission better than ever before, of reaching the world for Jesus. Assisting at Mass, going to Confession; missions, tithing, raising children in the Faith, saying the Rosary. Becoming priests to the world.

Eliminating the distinction between priests and laity by distorting the Lutheran slogan “priesthood of all believers.” Laity-cum-priests presented as solution to priest shortage.

(The laity are hereby empowered – one might even say, ordained - to assume and preside over all annotative functions within this table cell)

Organic development of the liturgy

To a dissenter? Nothing!

To improve liturgy within the boundaries of tradition, and to nurture it in the “devotion of centuries.”

Liturgy grown without the use of pesticides or synthetic fertilizers, and packaged without preservatives.

Ultramontane (thanks to Vic Ayre)

The supreme powers of a Pope characterized as excessive and oppressive (some might say abusive).

A Catholic who accepts the Pope’s authority in all matters, esp. dogma and doctrine.

The Cisalpine summit climbed by Spencer Tracy and Robert Wagner in “The Mountain.”

Holy Spirit at work

As proposed by Henri de Lubac, the Holy Spirit moves individuals and groups within the Church to make decisions.

Individuals and groups within the Church doing as they damned well please, justifying their behavior as the alleged prompting of the Holy Spirit.

Ecumenism

The promotion of Christian unity.

Downplaying, watering down, or eliminating key doctrines or traditional features of the Faith in order to avoid offending Protestants (see: “Spirit of Vatican II”).

NOTE: in a new development, feminists are militating for the replacement of this degrading chauvinist word with such terms as “ecuwomenism,” “ecupersonism,” and “ecufeminism.”

Interreligious dialog

Finding common ground among the world’s major religions.

Just as “dialog” is a euphemism for “dissent,” so “interreligious dialog” is a euphemism for replacing the primacy of Christ and His Church with pantheism or religious pluralism.

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