The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Flying Buttress, 3/3/05

The Flying Buttress

+Dissecting dissent in the Cincinnati Archdiocese+

March 3, 2005 A.D. Mane nobiscum Domine

+To no one’s surprise, the Left Wing Brain Trust of the Cincinnati Archdiocese has once again adapted (that is, subordinated) the Church to the narcissism and anarchy of the modern era: the Culture of Self and its Appetites. The Flying Buttress has received word that Cincinnati’s version of The Holy Father’s Year of the Eucharist shall be called:

“The Year of the YOU-charist”

aka: “(Bleep) My Sheep”

Herewith, our Archdiocesan Guidelines for Implementation, circulating without fanfare to avoid the appearance of triumphalism:

+The YOU-charist is a meal, cafeteria-style.

+Its purpose is to affirm our worldly prestige as The People of God. We are the center of Christian life. The Church and its teachings revolve around us and exist for our convenience.

+The YOU-charist is open to all, without condition or preparation or prerequisite, as a sublime enactment of ecumenical unity.

+Receiving the YOU-charist means entering into a profound communion with your fellow man. “Mi casa es su casa.” (Jn 15:4) The Mass is community, fellowship, and good vibes, esp. during the passing of the peace ’n justice (please use antibacterial lotion, provided in pew rack dispenser, after shaking hands).

+The Liturgy of Hourly Liturgical Dance is recommended as training for the worship experience, as is the filling of every moment during Mass with toe-tapping-shake-your-booty-funky-town contemporary musical celebration.

+The use of inclusive language is necessary to open the egalitarian treasures of the radical social gospel of Jesus to the faithful.

+Pastors should be committed to the gynecological catechesis so necessary for the faithful to understand the feminist meaning of the liturgy’s words and actions.

+The Bible is a collection of myths and symbols, outdated archetypes which once reflected our individual psyches and collective unconscious.

+The goal of human history is to establish Heaven here on earth.

+Even though he was out of touch with his sexuality, Jesus is to be emulated as a pretty good guy, since he preached radical social reform.

+Mary was trapped in a patriarchal culture and thus never fulfilled her feminine birthright. Her place in the pantheon of the Church must be liberated for the sake of her reproductive health.

+We must accept those who are different from us.

+Americans have not done enough for tsunami victims.

+It takes a village to raise a child.

+Elect Hillary Clinton in 2008.

Getting to the Bottom Line

+The Flying Buttress has observed dissenters chipping away at Holy Mother Church for decades, without ever admitting what it is they’re really after. Why all these incremental smokescreens like inclusive language, supersessionist gospels, married and homosexual priests, gay marriages, universal love replacing dogma and liturgy, laity replacing priests, Christian unity, interreligious dialogue, a democratic Church?

+The reason, if you haven’t figured it out by now, is that these devious ideologues and propagandists know that their real agenda would evoke horror and revulsion in its naked form. Therefore, they must achieve their goal gradually, concocting a progression of ideas that appear enlightened and compassionate, to attract those who cannot distinguish prestige from the humility of faith. The Greeks have a saying for this incremental method: “Bean by bean, the sack is filled.” Unfortunately, in this case, the saying works like this: “Bean by bean, the sack of faith is emptied.”

+We have decided to publish the real goal of dissent in its naked form, the poison pill at the heart of all this ersatz “compassion”:

The Dissenter’s Rosary

Hail Karl Marx! Behind your face, Lucifer is with Thee.

Blessed art Thou amongst revolutionaries,

And blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, liberation theology.

Holy Karl, Mother of Tutu, rationalize all sin,

Now and at the destruction of the Church.

Glory be to Sophia, and to Isis, and to Holy Mother Earth.

As collectivism was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be.

Social justice without end, so mote it be!

Oh my Tutu, forgive us for not being liberated.

Save us from the fires of outmoded guilt.

Deliver all bodies into material bliss,

Especially those most desirous of sexual fulfillment.

“Tutu”: Archbishop Daniel Pilarczyk, who approves ballerinas performing liturgical dance during Mass.

An Inquisitor’s Prayer

Lord Jesus, may those who abuse and disgrace their holy offices in the Cincinnati Archdiocese step down. May the spotless name, the sacred power, and the radiant influence of the Church be restored in Cincinnati. Never let me confuse my disdain for those who dishonor the office with the office itself. If there is a better way to expose wickedness and degeneracy, have mercy upon me and open my eyes to it. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Send your Marxist devotions to:

M a y t h e L o r d B l e s s Y o u a n d K e e p Y o u

Disclaimer: This publication is a work of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." To unsubscribe, simply reply with the words "No thanks - I prefer to keep my head in the sand until the ‘Spirit of Vatican II’ has completely destroyed the Church" somewhere in the body of the message.


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