The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Flying Buttress, 3/17/05

The Flying Buttress

+Dissecting dissent in the Cincinnati Archdiocese+

March 17, 2005 A.D. Marxist Tsunami Relief (or, bankruptcy loves company)

+Our readers may have noticed a column featured in the February 4th issue of The (Occasionally) Catholic Telegraph, in which Jesuit Father Kenneth Overberg - theology professor at Xavier University, professional ethicist, and chronic dissenter – weighed in on the adequacy of American tsunami relief.

+Opening his Marxist coloring book to the first (and only) page, he delivered the usual cant about the need for justice and reconstruction based on our social teachings (read: Chairman Mao’s social teachings). He urged us to lobby our leaders to address issues that “undermine the universal common good: debt and the unjust distribution of resources, war and other forms of violence, US patterns of consumption, destruction of the environment by corporate decisions. The list goes on and on.”

+One of our readers, Zoltan the Mad Magyar, decided to take Overberg’s advice to heart. He wrote to Ohio Senators DeWine and Voinovich and Representative Rob Portman, exhorting them to join Overberg’s crusade by immediately addressing the following issues:

  1. Debt and the unjust distribution of resources
  2. War and other forms of violence
  3. US patterns of consumption
  4. Destruction of the environment by corporate decisions
  5. The list goes on and on.

+Here are some excerpts from Zoltan’s letter, which he graciously shared with The Buttress:

Debt. Introduce legislation canceling all international and domestic debt, including credit card debt incurred by US consumers. It is of no consequence that those who lent the money will be cheated out of what is owed to them; economic justice demands no less.

Resources. Introduce legislation converting the US from a capitalist republic to a communist welfare state banana republic, including an income cap of $500,000 applicable to America’s wealthiest families, esp. those whose foundations subsidize the Marxist agenda. All income over the cap is to be distributed to the poor and needy, esp. those who are tragically deprived of cell phones, cable or satellite TV, DVD players/VCRs, and the latest model Cadillac. Since private property is also to be outlawed, all redistribution of wealth and material goods will be on a loan and rental basis only. Please also confiscate Fr. Overberg’s computer, since it exceeds his allotment of personal rented goods.

War. Introduce legislation outlawing war and other forms of violence. War is never justified, esp. when one’s own peace and security are threatened, or if one’s country is attacked by an enemy. War is to be replaced by awareness raising techniques, such as conflict management, diversity training, dialogue, and surrender.

Violence. War legislation must include a rider forbidding the killing of animals by other animals, a particularly unjust and gruesome form of violence. This would include the killing of Muslim terrorists by other Muslim terrorists.

Consumption. Regulate the patterns of consumption by all US citizens according to guidelines issued by Fr. Overberg and his Marxist fellow travelers. Take steps to establish such police state measures as are necessary to enforce the level of consumption considered acceptable by academia, including the elimination of any academic freedom which produces such harebrained schemes. Should there be questions about the contradiction inherent between Marxist demands for unlimited sexual self-indulgence and Marxist demands for noble self-restraint, please consult Fr. Overberg for his resolution to this problem.

Environment. Outlaw the destruction of the environment by corporate decisions. Please consult with Fr. Overberg as to (a) what constitutes a corporate decision, (b) which specific decisions are to be outlawed, and (c) how to deal with the subsequent loss of jobs and the devastation of our economy due to the crippling of corporations. Please also consult with Fr. Overberg on the dispersal of foreign aid, which would no longer be forthcoming due to the sacking of the American economy.

I’m sure the tsunami victims will be eternally grateful for the immediate implementation of Fr. Overberg’s socialist agenda, wherein the morally bankrupt provide for the needy by creating economic bankruptcy. You can be certain that my vote depends on it.

A Flying Buttress PSA

+Fr. Frank Pavone of Priests for Life asks that the following information be forwarded from his 3/14 newsletter:

As we know, progress on all these [pro-life] battles would be faster if we heard more from the pulpits. A key to having active pro-life priests is intense training of seminarians. From August 16-21 this summer, Priests for Life will have our annual Pro-life Conference for Seminarians in Newark, NJ (not far from our Staten Island headquarters.) If you are a seminarian, or know one, please spread the word. Information on the conference can be

found at

An Inquisitor’s Prayer

Lord Jesus, may those who abuse and disgrace their holy offices in the Cincinnati Archdiocese step down. May the spotless name, the sacred power, and the radiant influence of the Church be restored in Cincinnati. Never let me confuse my disdain for those who dishonor the office with the office itself. If there is a better way to expose wickedness and degeneracy, have mercy upon me and open my eyes to it. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Send your legislative agenda to:

M a y t h e L o r d B l e s s Y o u a n d K e e p Y o u

Disclaimer: This publication is a work of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." To unsubscribe, simply reply with the words "No thanks - I prefer to keep my head in the sand until the ‘Spirit of Vatican II’ has completely destroyed the Church" somewhere in the body of the message.


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