The Flying Buttress: What Inquisitors' Minds Want to Know

An archive for issues of The Flying Buttress newswire, whose purpose is to comment satirically on dissent within and relating to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Cincinnati. Disclaimer: These publications are works of satirical fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead is purely coincidental, but it all depends on what you mean by the word "is." May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

SPECIAL EDITION, 5/23/06: the Vince Frasher Scandal cont'd

Where Is Exhibit A, Your Excellency?

+The Cincinnati Enquirer and WCPO-TV have published a letter from Archbishop Pilarczyk to all priests and deacons under his pastoral care:

WCPO-TV article

Enquirer article

+In this letter, the Archbishop, stating the painfully obvious, refers to the “serious lapse in judgment,” which he regrets, which led to the hiring of Alex Henties by Vince Frasher.

+The Flying Buttress hereby calls for the release of Exhibit A, the letter supposedly signed by Alex Henties at the request of Vince Frasher, certifying that Frasher had not sexually abused him. We think the faithful Catholics who have suffered for so long under this morally bankrupt ordinary should not only be allowed to see this letter, but should also have the answers to the following questions made publicly available:

  • What circumstances initiated this letter?
  • Why was Henties writing to the Archdiocese from his prison cell?
  • Does the language of this letter sound like language commonly used by a person of average education (i.e., "I have never been abused in such a way as this and have never been abused by Vince whatsoever or at all.")?
  • Was this letter prepared for Henties by an attorney representing the Archdiocese?
  • Does this letter also discuss some sort of settlement?

+And finally, we ourselves state the painfully obvious: for those trapped in the addictive-compulsive personality disorder known as homosexuality, “lapses of judgment” are standard, typical and customary. We wonder whether such lapses are on the agenda at the CRYSM support group…

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Through the Lavender Looking-Glass

The Bishop and the Diocrat

The Son was shining on AmChurch,/ Shining ever new;/ He did His very best to keep/ Her teachings straight and true--/ And this was odd, because it was,/ Well, after Vatican II./

Satan glowered sulkily,/ Because he thought the Son/ Should leave him to his Rainbow Sash/ When all was said and done--/ "It's very rude of him," he said,/ "To come and spoil my fun!"/

The Bishop and the Diocrat/ Convened their support group;/ They gaily rubbed their hands at each/ New youth to join their troop./ ”If more young men would only come,”/ We’d really have a coup!”/ ”O winsome lads, come walk with us!”/ The Bishop did beseech./ ”A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,/ Liberation’s within reach./ Very soon you’ll know the score;/ Our rites to you we’ll teach.”/

The eldest youth just looked at him,/ But not a word he said:/ A furrow darkened his fair brow,/ He shook his noble head--/ Which meant to say he did not choose/ To leave his Faith stone dead./

But one young man stepped forward, for/ The sound of talk so sweet/ Had stirred his heart’s one true desire:/ To learn at Father’s feet--/ And this was odd, because, you know,/ Everything was so discrete./

Four other boys soon followed him,/ And yet another four;/ And thick and fast they came at last,/ Their teachers to adore--/ Scarce knowing they’d be baptized to/ A lifestyle of hardcore./

The Bishop and the Diocrat/ Walked on a mile or so,/ And then they rested on a rock/ But not the Rock we know./ And all the young men gathered there/ And waited row by row./

”The time has come,” the Bishop said,/ ”To talk of many things:/ Of bars--safe sex--and Dignity—/ Of love—on eagle’s wings--/ Why hell’s not really boiling hot,/ And sin no longer stings.”/

"But wait a bit," the young men cried,/ ”We don’t know about all that,/ For most of us are innocent;/ We’ve never worn that hat!”/ ”No hurry!” said the Diocrat./ And no one smelled a rat./

“Unleavened bread,” the Bishop said,/ ”Is what we chiefly need:/ ”A cupful of the fruited vine,/ Before we do the deed--/ Now if you’re ready, young men dear,/ Shall we begin our creed?”/

“What creed is this?” the youth inquired,/ For something was askew./ ”We’ve just received the Eucharist--/ How ‘bout a prayer or two?”/ ”Embodiment is good,” the Bishop said./ ”Do you admire the view?”/

“Sexuality’s a sacrament!/ Without it there’s no spice!”/ The Diocrat said nothing but/ ”Some say that it’s a vice:/ It’s good that you are so unspoiled--/ The better to entice!”/

“There is no shame,” the Bishop said,/ ”To learn our little shtick,/ Innocence will never do/ When you want to turn a trick!”/ The Diocrat said nothing but/ ”The air is getting thick!”/

“Oh weep for us,” the Bishop said:/ ”For just between us guys,/ The world must never know about/ The rites that we’ve devised.”/ With sobs and tears he sorted out/ The boys that he would prize…/ ”O ladies,” said the Diocrat,/ ”It’s time to end our fun!/ Shall we resume our normal lives?”/ But answer came there none--/ And this was scarcely odd, because/ They’d corrupted every one./

Thursday, May 18, 2006

5/18/06: UPDATE to "Fox Guarding the Henhouse"

+Today’s Cincinnati Enquirer carried the news that the Cincinnati Archdiocese’s reputedly homosexual Personnel Director, Vince Frasher, has now been charged with sexual abuse by Alex Henties, who, until July 2005, was the criminal-in-charge down at the Archdiocesan Criminal Background Check Department.

+In a related development, the 5/19 issue of The Catholic Telegraph, whose odor you may have detected in your mailbox this afternoon, carries a 5/11 letter from Vince Frasher – an attempt at damage control - to all the priests and deacons in the Archdiocese.

+In this letter, Frasher includes the following points:

  • Henties was known to have a felony record at hiring, but the victim of the crime was Frasher himself, and Henties “made restitution.”
  • Frasher hired Henties despite his background because “the archdiocese needed the work done, and [Henties] had the ability to do the job well.”
  • Frasher made the hire because he believed in “repentance, forgiveness, and the ability to change.”
  • Frasher had repeatedly attempted, over a period of years, to “help” Henties, ostensibly with his drug habit.
  • Since 2003, “more than 350 individuals have been denied to work with children because of what the [background] checks turned up…”

+Pardon us for wondering, but:

  • Were any of those 350 individuals given a second chance on the basis of “repentance, forgiveness, and the ability to change”?
  • How did Frasher attempt to help Henties with his drug habit? Is Henties qualified to counsel drug addicts? What about the rest of Henties’ criminal record: menacing, theft and domestic violence?
  • How is a person with a long rap sheet, who appears at a church food pantry demanding food, qualified to perform the highly sensitive duties involved in a background check?
  • What kind of “restitution” was made by Henties to Frasher?

+And finally, rumors are flying that the Archdiocese has now filed for bankruptcy protection in federal bankruptcy court under Chapter 11A. In case you’re not familiar with Chapter 11A, that regulates MORAL bankruptcy.

+More as more develops…

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

5/16/06: The Whistleblower Comments On Pilarczyk's Latest Scandal

+"The Flying Buttress put out its "Another Fox Guarding the Henhouse" edition on Monday, after WCPO-TV Substantially True News reported Alex Henties, the person hired by the Archdiocese of Cincinnati to conduct criminal background checks for all Catholic church and school volunteers, not only has a criminal background, but also has a current criminal record and a suspicious relationship with his supervisor, Personnel Director Vincent Frasher, if you know what we mean. Maybe the story should've been called "Homos Guarding the Henhouse." Maybe those guys should get a special "Courage Award" too." When the Lavender Mafia takes care of its own, this is the result. You may access The Whistleblower archive here.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006



+WCPO-TV’s “I-Team” has broadcast a story about Alex Henties, the person hired by the Archdiocese of Cincinnati to conduct criminal background checks for all Catholic church and school volunteers.

+As it turns out, Mr. Henties not only has a criminal background, but a current criminal record and a suspicious relationship with his supervisor, Personnel Director Vincent Frasher.

+You may read this sorry tale here. We advise our readers to double-check the facts of this story before reaching any conclusions. Relevant questions may include:

  • Is Vincent Frasher a homosexual?
  • Does he have a homosexual relationship, past or current, with Alex Henties?
  • Was this relationship the basis for both Mr. Henties’ employment and the dismissal of his criminal record which continued even after he was employed?
  • Has Archbishop Pilarczyk surrounded himself with homosexual employees, including priests and religious? If so, why?
  • How many reputations and identities have been compromised or placed at risk by Mr. Henties and Mr. Frasher?
  • Why does this Archdiocese lead a double life, supposedly shepherding the faithful with its public face, yet allegedly engaging in sordid criminal and immoral activities in private?
  • What does the Hamilton County Prosecutor have to say?

+We would be happy to publish any accurate information from our readers about this breach of trust.